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Doug Welch | My Amplify

Things I Amplify from the web

ROFLMAO Koch Brothers are Tyrants because they are rich

I wonder if these people will be upset that George Soros is a billionaire also???



And they are for equality??? Give me a break. The unions get paid much better than the private sector and have huge benefits that normal people would kill for. And we the people pay for the Government Unions retirement.

Irish Blonde

An attractive blond from Dublin , Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -

Not all Irish are drunks,

not all blonds are dumb,

but all men... are men.

OLD LOVE

I was in my back yard trying to fly a kite.

I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.

I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, Karen is watching from the kitchen window,

Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opens the window and yelled to me,

'You need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

Fishing with Bill Dance

The Story of Adam & Eve’s Pets

Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every

day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult

for us to remember how much you love us.'

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who

will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you

cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be,

this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in

spite of yourselves.'

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.

And it was a good animal and God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I

cannot think of a name for this new animal.'

And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for

you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and

was a companion to them and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord,

Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks

and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that

they are loved, but perhaps too well.'

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who

will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations,

so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes,

they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy.

And Cat . . .



didn't give a crap one way or the other.

Geek Gang Signs

Democrats fear my Koch

You can get the shirt here

INSENSITIVE JOKES

At Senior Citizens day they had a quiz. I lost by one point.  The question was, "Where do women mostly have curly hair?"  Apparently, the correct answer was Africa

One of the other questions was name two things commonly found in cells. It appears that Negroes and Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's> iPod after realizing that 'iTouch Kids' is not a good product name.>

My wife told me I was no longer romantic, so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine's Night.  Problem was, she sucks at snooker and eight-ball.

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but  I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.  "Yes.  Homer is a fat yellow lazy dude and Marge is a skinny broad with big blue hair."

A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.  I said, "How can you tell them apart?"  He said, "Her brother's got a moustache."> Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook.  I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next  thing I know, 4000 Muslims added me as a friend!!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sicko."

The FBI have discovered how to weave Muslim prayer mats out of plastic explosives.  Apparently prophets are going through the roof!!

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.  I said we would love to, but our  garden hose only reaches the driveway.

The Ultimate Cruise







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